Jesus seemed far away from me in High School. Now that I know more, I realize I was in a depression during those years. I managed to keep up a cheerful facade, but next to Jesus' place in my heart -- I had grown a rather large hole. This hole was filled with sadness, bitterness and resentment. I believe now it stemmed from rejection which I felt was from my father's leaving. In truth, my dad had been very dear to us children. He never lived more than a suburb away from us. Ten minutes at most. He saw us every weekend. He took care of all of our physical needs. And as best as he could he tried in every way to stay our Dad. But self-pity twists reality and tears you up inside! I became rebellious and experimented with drinking and smoking to please friends rather than my Lord .I kept everything from my mom and still remained a strong shoulder for her to lean on, but became resentful of that task. She wasn't aware of that part of our relationship for many years and was worried and praying for me during that whole time. I didn't tell my dad my problems, so my confidants were my friends and believe me they did not give good counsel.
My grades were starting to slip due to bad attendance. I felt myself losing all control and right when things could have hit a major crisis my mom found a new church headed by Pastor Fred. I recommitted my life to Christ under his discipleship and was baptized in a lake near the church. We started running bible studies out of our house led by one of the leaders of the church. I started inviting friends from school and soon I was growing in my faith again. My broken heart, through repentance, had started to heal! I would never be lonely again. I never let go of Jesus' hand. Ahead there many suffering and real trials, but I would continued to hold fast. I was His disciple at last! A rebel no more!
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